This is going to cover a lot, food issues, working out, weight loss surgery…so if none that interests you, I completely understand. Please keep your comments considerate, we’re all fighting different battles.
For as long as I can remember, I was the bigger girl. Always. But yall, I was raised loved and never lacked in confidence. Sure I didn’t love myself the way I should, but I was happy as me. Some people struggle with body issues and I feel so bad for these people. In my opinion, no matter what someone’s weight, height, looks, they should love themselves. Confidence can make such a difference.
I’ve always been on a diet, always obsessed about food, I was either thinking about what all I could eat, or I was obsessively weighing and measuring everything to eat a certain amount.
After my father passed, our lives crumbled. I was on a downward spiral and was drowning my sorrows. I got up to 297 pounds. My mom and I decided to look into weight loss surgery. The whole thing is a blur to me now, but we did go forward with the lap band procedure.
I recovered and when it was time for me to go back for my first restriction adjustment, one of our full time employee’s was out for a month. So for over a month, I put my progression on hold. I did finally go get my first restriction, in fact I may of had 2 or 3 but then 7 months after my procedure, I found out I was pregnant. Twenty weeks pregnant. That’s a whole other story for another time.
So all weight loss came to a stop, I had lost 30 by this point. But right then, my focus was on my baby. I delivered a happy healthy baby. I got back on the weight loss journey shortly after.
It’s been 5 years and I’m happy and proud to say I’m down to right around 205. I am a completely different person. What I am not proud to admit is I never truly changed. With most weight loss surgeries, there are restrictions and rules for your future. I never listened and never changed. I lost the weight but I lost it the hard way, the wrong way.
December of 2012, I started having intestinal issues. I called doctors, I tried different medications. Finally in December of 2013, I went gluten free. That was a HUGE life altering change. With it, I decided I needed to finally do the hard work, I needed to finally address my food issues, I needed to find a food and exercise plan that worked for me. I never got 100% back to normal though. I finally decided to schedule an appointment with a GI doctor. I remember going in thinking, it had to be a gluten allergy, but the doctor looked me in the face and said gluten alone would not be causing all my symptoms. We scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy.
When the day came, and once I was asleep, they found that the pouch created by my lap band, still contained food and liquid, after not eating or drinking anything in 36 hours and 12 hours respectively. I was woke up and sent over for an emergency upper GI. It was during this scan that they found my lap band had slipped. What this caused is a pouch above the lap band, a pouch where my stomach acids were not reaching, a place where food was laying and rotting, a place where food could come up and I could aspirate at any second. For over a year, I thought I’d been having acid reflux, but to find out that all these times, I could of aspirated and been gone. Something clicked. The lap band was completely loosened. It still is. I don’t know what will happen with it in the future. But for right now, I need to focus on fixing me, getting to the hard work of being a food addict, finding a way of life that I am happy and can live with, eating healthy, without obsessing, find a exercise plan that works and that I enjoy.
I know this subject will continue long after these 31 days as this will be a life time struggle, so for now I will leave this alone, I am working, I am trying.
Would you like to keep up with the rest of the 31 posts, every post will be linked here for your convenience.