I’ve been struggling lately, in a way that others didn’t see. I haven’t been depressed or unhappy, just lost in my thoughts a lot. I feel like I woke up one day and didn’t know who I was. And it’s not that I’m unhappy with my life, I am not in the least. I guess I just never put much thought into who I’d end up being when I “grew up” but now here I am “grown up.”
As young girls, we grow up dreaming about weddings and children and the white picket fence. But I think we all know that’s not reality. Before we know it reality happens. And I think as a woman, we just naturally go about the motions. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot, I never thought I’d be me. But I am. Seems like not long ago I was going out all hours of the night, with people I thought were my friends, chasing a good time. Now here I sit, married, kid laying on the floor playing with the dogs, second load of laundry going, dish washer running. How did I get here?
More importantly, now that I’m here, what am I going to do with who I am now. I can chose to go about the motions, but that’s just never been my style. I want to be more, to be better. The way I look at things, there are six aspects to who I am. I am me, Nicole. I am a wife. I am a mother (and step-mother). I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. Who I am in those positions, in those roles, amounts to my identity.
For the next 31 days, I’ll be writing about these roles, about how I can be the best version of these. This is in NO way a guide or instructions, because I will be the first to admit I fail daily, heck hourly. I will be honest and tell the truth, even when it hurts, because if anything, I am 100% honest, the truth is always better. If opening these topics to myself, if having an open discussion with myself, can help me to grow, to see things in a different light, to become a better version of me, then these 31 days will be probably among the most important days of my life.
Below are the posts for the 2014 31 days challenge. In 2014 I challenged myself to look hard, to re-examine myself, to think about how I could change the way I handled things to in turn become the best version of me.