A Better Daughter: Being the daughter

Why are mother daughter relationships so complicated? I know very few who don’t have some difficulties. Maybe because it never fails that they’re both similar they butt heads. Or maybe because moms are harder on their daughters because they’ve been there, done that, know better? All I know is they tend to be, shall we say complicated.

Mine and my mother’s is no different. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s been so worth it. I’ll be the first to admit that I put her through hell growing up. I know at times I purposely tried to hurt her, but you know what, she NEVER cried. At least not in front of me. Now that I’m older and able to look back at things, I can’t imagine the hurt she felt. And we are so close now, she’s admitted she would cry in the shower, far away from where I could see or hear. I’m already praying for my daughter and I, I know we’ll need all the prayers we can get. But I also know we’ll make it through just like my mom and I did.

At times there are added difficulties to the mother daughter dynamic. We’ve faced some and years later I think we’re finally figuring out how to make it work. Several years ago, in fact I was 2 months shy of 21, my parents were in a horrific automobile accident. I was miserable in college, so I volunteered to drop out and take over running the businesses (we owe and operate two). So I did, I had to learn from the floor up, up until that day I had nothing to do with the business. My mom ended up being in the hospital for almost 3 months, she was completely broken. In those months something changed in me, I went from a girl to a woman. I had to, I gave myself no other option. My mom faced many difficulties, both physical and mental. She will never be the same and either will our relationship. When she finally came home from the hospital, she still needed quite a bit is assistance for a few more months. Her body and mental strength didn’t recover the way we’d all hoped and in many ways they never recovered back to before the accident. Things are different now, but that ok, we still have her.

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Not long after my mom got up and going, my dad’s cancer decided it was its time. It reared its ugly head full force and we all focused on my dad. Sixteen months to the day after my parents accident, we kissed my daddy goodbye.

In less than 2 years our entire world was completely changed, and it was never the same.

Because of my mom’s injuries in the accident, there were times her physical pain weakened her. There were times the medicine required to make her comfortable made her weaker in other aspects. Because of her brain injury, there were times her mental and emotional strength lacked. And because she raised me to do so, I wanted to take care of her.

We butted heads a lot of times, but the one thing I’ve realized in the years since is that no matter how much she hurts, no matter her emotional pain, no matter her mental standing, she’s still MY mom. I think it’s hard, for many years, our parents take care of us, then things switch later on in life and our parents sometimes need us to take care of them. But no matter the roles, I think it’s important to remember that I’ll always be the daughter. She’ll always be the mother.

My mother is a shining example of strength, very very few people know of the difficulties she faces, she keeps them to herself, she’s proud that way. She’s too strong to let anything break her. And I should always be her daughter and need her, as my mother. She earned that title, Lord knows.

Would you like to keep up with the rest of the 31 posts, every post will be linked here for your convenience.

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7 thoughts on “A Better Daughter: Being the daughter

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart today. Oh, the mother/daughter relationship. As you said, oh so complicated! But thank goodness for them, right? Loved this story!

  2. What a lovingly written post. I’m so glad the two of you are trying so hard. I think the mother-daughter dynamic might be the most complicated one possible.

  3. Thank you for sharing your experiences with your mother and your heart today! I am choked up as I read about your mother/daughter relationship. I, too, had a great relationship with my mom – AFTER I became and adult with children of my own; she was my BEST FRIEND and we did so much together. Now I have 2 daughters and we have a great relationship (now that THEY are adults!!). But is wasn’t always that way when they were growing up. I look forward to reading more!

  4. OH, I’m in tears! Thank you for sharing your heart. I applaud you for stepping up when your mother needed you the most. We share a similar story only with roles reversed – my daughter was in a traumatic car accident when she was 21. Being by her side during all of the struggles that she faced after the accident strengthened our relationship. God took something horrible and something beautiful! It appears he did the same for you and your mama. Hugs to both of you!

  5. Thanks for sharing your story! My mama is my best friend, but we’ve had quite the complicated relationship these past couple of years. She’s going through a rough time in her life right now, most of it her because of her own choices, so I struggle with how to be there for her. Most days all I know what to do is love her and pray for her.

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