Why are mother daughter relationships so complicated? I know very few who don’t have some difficulties. Maybe because it never fails that they’re both similar they butt heads. Or maybe because moms are harder on their daughters because they’ve been there, done that, know better? All I know is they tend to be, shall we say complicated.
Mine and my mother’s is no different. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s been so worth it. I’ll be the first to admit that I put her through hell growing up. I know at times I purposely tried to hurt her, but you know what, she NEVER cried. At least not in front of me. Now that I’m older and able to look back at things, I can’t imagine the hurt she felt. And we are so close now, she’s admitted she would cry in the shower, far away from where I could see or hear. I’m already praying for my daughter and I, I know we’ll need all the prayers we can get. But I also know we’ll make it through just like my mom and I did.
At times there are added difficulties to the mother daughter dynamic. We’ve faced some and years later I think we’re finally figuring out how to make it work. Several years ago, in fact I was 2 months shy of 21, my parents were in a horrific automobile accident. I was miserable in college, so I volunteered to drop out and take over running the businesses (we owe and operate two). So I did, I had to learn from the floor up, up until that day I had nothing to do with the business. My mom ended up being in the hospital for almost 3 months, she was completely broken. In those months something changed in me, I went from a girl to a woman. I had to, I gave myself no other option. My mom faced many difficulties, both physical and mental. She will never be the same and either will our relationship. When she finally came home from the hospital, she still needed quite a bit is assistance for a few more months. Her body and mental strength didn’t recover the way we’d all hoped and in many ways they never recovered back to before the accident. Things are different now, but that ok, we still have her.
Not long after my mom got up and going, my dad’s cancer decided it was its time. It reared its ugly head full force and we all focused on my dad. Sixteen months to the day after my parents accident, we kissed my daddy goodbye.
In less than 2 years our entire world was completely changed, and it was never the same.
Because of my mom’s injuries in the accident, there were times her physical pain weakened her. There were times the medicine required to make her comfortable made her weaker in other aspects. Because of her brain injury, there were times her mental and emotional strength lacked. And because she raised me to do so, I wanted to take care of her.
We butted heads a lot of times, but the one thing I’ve realized in the years since is that no matter how much she hurts, no matter her emotional pain, no matter her mental standing, she’s still MY mom. I think it’s hard, for many years, our parents take care of us, then things switch later on in life and our parents sometimes need us to take care of them. But no matter the roles, I think it’s important to remember that I’ll always be the daughter. She’ll always be the mother.
My mother is a shining example of strength, very very few people know of the difficulties she faces, she keeps them to herself, she’s proud that way. She’s too strong to let anything break her. And I should always be her daughter and need her, as my mother. She earned that title, Lord knows.
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